The Hot and Cold Game: Our Personal Guidance System

Anita and I have seven children. When our children were young, we loved to play the hot and cold game.

To play, we would have one child leave the room while another family member hid a small object somewhere in the room. The object had to be hidden in plain sight. When the child came back, the rest of us would clap our hands louder and louder whenever they moved closer to the hidden object, letting them know they were getting “hotter” and “hotter.” We would clap our hands softer and softer whenever they were moving away from the object, letting them know they were getting “colder” and “colder.” When they were standing right next to the hiding place, we would clap as loudly as we could, and when they found the object we would applaud and cheer! Then it was that child's turn to hide the object while another member of the family left the room.

This was a great game for our family because every one of our children, no matter how old or young, could play and win the game. After playing a time or two, they understood how the game worked. Then all they had to do was to notice how loud our clapping was and move in the direction that made the clapping louder. Because the object was hidden in plain sight, they would eventually find it. The system worked every time for everyone.

When our children got older, we would choose hiding places that weren't quite as obvious—maybe higher, or in a nook, or around a corner—but still in plain sight. Our children could still find the object by simply remembering how the system worked and staying engaged until they found it. The system for the game was designed to guarantee that each of us could always know which direction to go and where to look for what we were trying to find.

Wouldn't life be great if each of us had a personal guidance system like that one—one that is easy to learn to use and that we can consistently rely on to work for us without fail?

After many years of playing the real game of life, I can confidently say that we do! However, in certain respects our real guidance system works opposite of the way the hot and cold game works—which might explain why everyone gets a little confused sometimes about how it works.

When my family played the hot and cold game, we used a physical guidance system. We were guided and directed by changing volume levels of noise, which we detected by using our physical ears as our primary navigation instruments.

Similarly, each of us has a personal guidance system that is spiritual in nature. Our souls are guided and directed constantly by the Spirit of the Lord, by the voice of His Spirit. Our spiritual guidance system has two primary navigation instruments, which we commonly call our mind and our heart.

The Lord was referring to this spiritual guidance system when he revealed to Oliver Cowdery, “[B]ehold, I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart. Now, behold, this is the spirit of revelation; behold, this is the spirit by which Moses brought the children of Israel through the Red Sea on dry ground” (D&C 8:2-3 (emphasis added)).

To be led by the Lord’s Spirit, we must yield our hearts to God, and we must be willing to follow the guidance and direction He gives us, for, as Doctrine and Covenants 64:34 teaches, “the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind” (emphasis added).

When my family played the hot and cold game, we knew where to go as the noise got louder and louder. But ordinarily our spiritual guidance system doesn’t work that way. Our spiritual guidance system works best as our raucous thoughts and emotions quiet down and our hearts and minds are open.

Russell M. Nelson, President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, recently said: 

“We live in a time prophesied long ago, when ‘all things shall be in commotion; and surely, men’s hearts shall fail them; for fear shall come upon all people’ (Doctrine and Covenants 88:91). That was true before the pandemic, and it will be true after. Commotion in the world will continue to increase. In contrast, the voice of the Lord is not ‘voice of a great tumultuous noise, but … it [is] a still voice of perfect mildness, [like] a whisper, and it [pierces] even to the very soul’ (Helaman 5:30). In order to hear this still voice, you too must be still! (See Psalm 46:10.) 

“For a time, the pandemic has canceled activities that would normally fill our lives. Soon we may be able to choose to fill that time again with the noise and commotion of the world. Or we can use our time to hear the voice of the Lord whispering His guidance, comfort, and peace. Quiet time is sacred time—time that will facilitate personal revelation and instill peace.”

(“What We Are Learning and Will Never Forget,” Russell M. Nelson, October 2020 General Conference.)

The voice of God is “still” because it is void of commotion, confusion or contention. Although it is small and quiet, the voice of God is clear and can be easily discerned and understood, when we ourselves are still and sincere. When we hear the voice of God in our minds and feel it resonate in our hearts, we know exactly what to do and where to go. We just know.

I believe that the still small voice of God is always available to guide us. Sometimes we don’t know where to look for it. Other times we don’t recognize it or pay attention to it. Sometimes we are just distracted by the noisiness of life. And sometimes we feel overcome by life’s clamor and commotion.

What if it seems like our noisy thoughts won’t quiet down on their own? What can we do then?

I love Doctrine and Covenants 6:36, which reads: “Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.”

In every thought.

The next verse says, “Behold the wounds which pierced my side, and also the prints of the nails in my hands and feet; be faithful, keep my commandments, and ye shall inherit the kingdom of heaven. Amen” (Doctrine and Covenants 6:37).

When we look unto Christ in every thought, including the noisy doubtful and fearful ones, we remember His loving, redeeming sacrifice for us, which can help us quiet our doubts and fears.

Elder David A. Bednar spoke about this in his April 2015 General Conference talk titled, “Therefore They Hushed Their Fears.” He said:

“In the land of Helam, Alma’s people were frightened by an advancing Lamanite army.

“‘But Alma went forth and stood among them, and exhorted them that they should not be frightened, but … should remember the Lord their God and he would deliver them.

“‘Therefore they hushed their fears’ (Mosiah 23:27-28).

“Notice Alma did not hush the people’s fears. Rather, Alma counseled the believers to remember the Lord and the deliverance only He could bestow (see 2 Nephi 2:8). And knowledge of the Savior’s protecting watchcare enabled the people to hush their own fears.”

Few things help me to calm my mind and heart and to prepare to receive wisdom like the words, “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

I know from personal experience that our spiritual guidance system—like the hot and cold game my family used to play—is designed to guarantee that each of us can find our way through life.

We can receive that personalized spiritual direction by simply remembering how the system works, including where to look, and staying engaged until we find our way—again and again and again and again.

I know of no greater blessing in this life.

Photo Credit: Pawel Czerwinski

Serving Others with the Pure Love of God

Luke wrote about a time when Jesus and some of his disciples walked about 30 miles, much of it uphill, from Capernaum to the little village of Nain. It appears that they may have traveled all night in order to get there in time for Jesus to meet a grieving widow at the burial procession for her only son. When he arrived, Jesus said to the grieving mother, “Weep not.” Then, to her dead son, Jesus said, “Young man, I say unto thee, Arise.” Luke recorded what happened next. “And he that was dead sat up, and began to speak. And [Jesus] delivered him to his mother.” (See Luke 7:11-16; The Widow of Nain (video); "B-Y-You Matter to Him, Keith Wilson, BYU Speeches, May 23, 2017.)

One thing about this story seems clear to me: Jesus was aware of this widow of Nain and of her distress. As a widow, she was financially dependent on her only son, who had now passed away, leaving her with the dismal prospect of being alone and destitute. But Jesus saw her. He knew her and her troubles. He had compassion on her and came to minister to her in her time of great need.

Have you experienced a time when you felt troubled, burdened or distressed and you learned from personal experience that the Lord saw you, knew you, had compassion on you, and was there to minister to you in your own time of need?

Many of us have had this kind of sacred personal, loving interaction with the Savior. Such experiences often come when our hearts are broken and our spirits are contrite, as we learn to come unto Christ, look unto him in every thought, and yield our hearts unto him. 

I know from personal experience that this kind of loving interaction with the Savior often happens as we seek to serve one another with the pure love of God.

For example, once, about ten years ago, I was going through a difficult time in my life. I was being stretched in my work, my church calling, and my family responsibilities, and I had developed a health condition that my doctor wasn’t able to explain. I was getting small sores all over my arms, stomach and legs. The sores itched and hurt, and when I scratched them, they bled. I remember feeling conflicted when I chose not to fulfill a temple assignment because I was afraid my sores would bleed and get blood on my white temple clothing. I went to my dermatologist for a series of tests, but it seemed like it was taking forever to get a diagnosis. I began searching for remedies, for anything that might help, but always without success. The hardest part for me was the uncertainty of not knowing what I was dealing with and not knowing whether or when my suffering might end.

After a couple of months of uncertainty and struggle, one Saturday afternoon our doorbell rang. I went to the door, and there stood a brother with whom I was serving as a counselor. This kind brother, who was my high priests quorum president, knew about my health concerns. He had come to bring us a nice dinner that his wife had prepared. I invited him into our home, and as we stood together talking, I was suddenly overcome with the knowledge, because of this act of service, that God was aware of me and knew of my suffering. I was aware of this couple’s love, but what affected me most profoundly was that I could feel the pure love of God flowing through them to me. The Spirit they brought confirmed to my spirit that God saw me, knew me and my sufferings, and had compassion on me. I was assured that I was not alone. I knew I would be okay. The dinner this couple brought was nourishing to my body, but the love of God that sent them to me, and that they brought with them to me, nourished my whole soul.

The Lord invites each of us to learn to serve as he does—with love that is pure. He wants us to learn to see and know others deeply and to have compassion on them as he does. (See Doctrine and Covenants 76:94.)

One such invitation from the Savior came in a poignant moment when Jesus was suffering on the cross for the sins of all mankind. Jesus looked down from the cross upon his mother and upon his disciple, John. The scriptural account recorded by John himself, speaking in third person, states:

“When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold thy son!

“Then saith he to the disciple, Behold thy mother! And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home.”

(John 19:26-27.)

Thus we see that, even in this moment of his own profound distress, Jesus saw John and his mother. He knew them and what they were going through and what they were facing. He had compassion on them, and particularly on his mother. What did he say to them? “Woman, behold thy son!” and to John, “Behold thy mother!” Jesus wanted them to see each other deeply, as he did, and he wanted them to have compassion on one another. In particular, Jesus wanted John to be a “son” to his mother. He clearly wanted his own mother to know, like the grieving widow of Nain, that she was cared for and that her needs would be met.

Michelle D. Craig recently spoke about the need each of us has to be seen and known as God sees and knows us. She quoted columnist David Brooks, who said:

“‘Many of our society’s great problems flow from people not feeling seen and known….  [There is a] core … trait that we all have to get … better at[, and that] is the trait of seeing each other deeply and being deeply seen.’”

Sister Craig, went on to say:

“Jesus Christ sees people deeply. He sees individuals, their needs, and who they can become. Where others saw fishermen, sinners, or publicans, Jesus saw disciples; where others saw a man possessed by devils, Jesus looked past the outward distress, acknowledged the man, and healed him.

“Even in our busy lives, we can follow the example of Jesus and see individuals—their needs, their faith, their struggle, and who they can become.”

("Eyes to See," Michelle D. Craig, First Counselor in the Young Women General Presidency, October 2020 General Conference.)

We are all somewhere in the process of learning how to serve others with the pure love of God. Sometimes we get to experience what it is like to see others deeply as God does and to feel and share the love that God has for them. Other times we might experience what it is like to serve others when our focus is more on ourselves than on those we are serving. All of these experiences are potential learning and growing experiences for us.

For example, when I was young, I served as a missionary in the Netherlands. About 16 months into my two-year mission, I was assigned to serve as the mission office secretary for about six months. Toward the end of that assignment, when I was getting ready to become a full-time proselyting missionary again, I overheard my mission president telling another office missionary, “Elder Wiggins will be a great missionary. Elder Wiggins really loves the people.”

That last sentence stopped me in my tracks. I asked myself, “Do I? Do I really love the people?” The Lord’s Spirit witnessed to my spirit that there was a clear gap between the love with which I had been serving and the kind of love my mission president was talking about. I knew I had tried to be a faithful and devoted missionary. I had tried to serve dutifully and obediently. But I saw that I still had much to learn then (and I still do now) about losing myself in serving others with the pure love of Christ.

As I think about this now, I can see that whenever I serve in order to do my duty and to be obedient, my focus is on me and my duty and my obedience—on my being good. Doing so is not a bad thing. It just limits my ability to see and know others as deeply as God does, which also limits my ability to be a conduit for the pure love of God.

About 15 years ago I had an experience that showed me what a profound difference it can make when I do and do not seek to serve others with the pure love of Christ.

At that time, I was assigned to minister to a man in my ward who was battling alcoholism. For a while I visited him regularly and we had what I thought were very positive visits. But there came a time when he suddenly started keeping an outer gate to his home locked. This meant I couldn’t get in to the front door. He also never answered his phone. So I started leaving notes for him, wedging them into the latch on the door to the outer gate. I would go by at least once a month, hoping the gate would be unlocked, but it never was, and so I would leave him yet another note and would encourage him to reach out to me. I don’t remember how many months this went on, but in hindsight it was far too long.

Then one day I felt a deeper concern for this man. I thought about his situation and began to see him more deeply. He was an alcoholic, and it hit me that he was probably keeping his gate locked because he was having a relapse with his drinking and was embarrassed and ashamed. My heart went out to him. I remember kneeling that morning in my bedroom and pleading with the Lord to know what I could do to help him.

That afternoon, that very same day, I received a phone call from this man. I could tell he was in deep distress. He had hit rock bottom and borrowed someone’s phone to call and ask me for support. My heart broke, and I felt deep compassion for him. It was painful to know how much physical and emotional suffering this man had been undergoing as I was going about my life obliviously leaving him my occasional notes.

Thus began a long period when he and I spent a lot of time together. I attended meetings with him at Alcoholics Anonymous and our church’s addiction recovery program. He didn’t have a car, so we spent a lot of time talking in my car, as well as in his home and in my home. I am still touched by the fact that each time this man—my friend—earned a token at Alcoholics Anonymous for achieving a milestone for 30, 60 and 90 days and more of sobriety, he would bring home an extra token and give it to me.

I wish I had seen my friend more deeply sooner. I wish I had thought sooner to plead with Heavenly Father to know what I could do for him. It would be a natural reaction to choose to beat myself up for failing to serve him better. But the Lord soon showed me that even my meager, dutiful efforts to serve my friend had been meaningful and worthwhile. When my friend invited me back into his home, I was surprised to see on his kitchen table a stack of many of the notes I had left for him over those months at his locked gate. The Spirit confirmed to me that my small service had been accepted, blessed and magnified by the Lord. And I also came to recognize and appreciate that it was the Spirit of the Lord that pricked my heart to wake me up to the urgency of my friend's situation and cause me to turn to God for direction.

I know that our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us. They see us and know us deeply. They have compassion on us and minister to us. As we turn to them and pray to know how we can serve one another with that same pure love, God will answer us. He will teach us. He will mentor us. And he will accept and sanctify even our most meager efforts to serve.