I spent hours, days, weeks and months trying to figure out what to do, but I never seemed to find answers, and things stayed pretty much the same or got worse.
Things began to change for the better when I met with a trusted counselor and told her about my troubles. One of my biggest concerns at the time, which I shared with her, was that it seemed like I couldn't feel anything.
The counselor listened to me intently and then told me she was certain that my problem wasn't that I couldn't feel. I could feel. She pointed out that while I had been talking to her I had been crying and feeling deeply. Which was true!
There was something else going on with me, and fortunately the counselor was able to point me to something that really helped.
She began by stating something. Then she asked me if what she had just said was true for me.
I was confused. "What do you mean by 'true for me'"? I asked.
To help me understand, she asked me to do an experiment. She said she was going to have me bow my head, and when she asked me if something was true for me, she wanted me to pay attention to how I felt in the area at the center of my chest. She said by bowing my head I would become more aware of a sensation of the heart that she called "a knowing." By becoming aware of that sensation, I would be able to tell whether what she was saying rang true for me or not. This is what she meant by something being true for me.
We tried this several times. She would say something and ask, "Is that true for you?" I would take a moment to feel for the sensation she had described, and then I would answer her, yes or no. After doing this repeatedly, I became familiar with the knowing sensation and what it felt like for me. I knew what it felt like when the answer was yes, and I knew what it felt like when the answer was no. This helped me understand how to receive and recognize answers for myself.
The counselor assured me again that there was nothing wrong with me. There was nothing wrong with my ability to feel. I had just become disconnected from how my mind and my heart naturally work together. She said this is a common human experience. Innocently, and with the best of intentions, I had been spending a lot of time in my head looking for answers, but the answers I was looking for weren't there. Such answers are in the heart.
This was an important step for me in learning to understand how my personal spiritual guidance system works.
My spiritual guidance system doesn't rely on the intellect to crunch data and come up with answers. The intellect is helpful for processing information, but not for getting answers to direct my life. Too often when I rely on reason and my intellect, I end up spinning an endless web of thoughts and judgments that are unproductive. When I am in my head, I am prone to taking my fears, worries and judgments too seriously.
My spiritual guidance system works best when, after having studied matters out in my mind, I allow my mind to become quiet and open—open to the light and wisdom of heaven that flows effortlessly into our minds as pure intelligence and is confirmed as true by our hearts. I have learned that this system is constantly available and always works for my benefit.
I will forever be grateful to this counselor who helped me experience for myself how it feels when my spiritual guidance system is working. This has enabled me to confirm for myself the truth of all things—not just the things we normally think of as spiritual.
I have since also pondered about the significance of bowing my head when I pray, as I did during that experiment with my counselor many years ago.
I bow my head during prayer to show humility and reverence toward God. But by bowing my head I also become more keenly aware of the feelings of my heart as I pray. And that, I have learned, is precisely where the answers to my prayers are most likely to be found.
—o0o—
"Yea, behold, I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart. Now, behold, this is the spirit of revelation; behold, this is the spirit by which Moses brought the children of Israel through the Red Sea on dry ground. (D&C 8:2-3.)
"Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me. But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right." (D&C 9:7-8.)
“Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days” (D&C 64:34).
Sacred Grove Photo Credit: Brad Wiggins
I love this!
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